Broken Typewriter

Falling Apart

2010-04-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

Falling apart

My childhood, with it, the sweetness gone

The little demands, pranks and innocent arrogance

Goodbye childhood

Falling apart

My friends, with them lots of emotions gone

Times of desperation, happiness in littleness

Friends are left behind

Falling apart

My city, the serene beauty is there no more

The summer sun shines no more, it burns

The winter no longer cools, it freezes

The past is beyond the concrete smoke

Falling apart

My Religion, it spreads love no more

God's own men are out to kill, that is their will

How does one believe in divinity

The Lord hides behind the Atheist

Falling apart

I, my consience. my mind

My peace I cant find I have reached a scary height

My feet balanced in a tower of pride

Is there a way down or am I too high

Where I'm lonely, alone touching the sky

2009-06-16T01:27:00.000-07:00

I am your sadist

I might be the baddest

Your affair with me

Just might be the saddest

I am your maddest

Lover your saddest

You lover is with me

He might be the baddest

Age old

Same old story

Age old

Bad love story

Age old

Crying old story

Age old

My love story

I am your darkest

Secret is the baddest

I am the scarface

Who kisses the coldest

Come to me

I might be the saddest

Come to be

I might be the sadist

Come to me

I might be the maddest

I might be the baddest

I might be the sadist

You're loving the saddest

A Life That's Amazing

2009-04-20T03:47:00.000-07:00

Drooling, roll off, skipping, one step gathering some ground

Gay boy, tripping, skipping, one step grabbing the painted wall

Home coming

Drunken boy coming home

Drunken boy coming home.

Twinkling car light, honkng, edging past my posh car

Screeching, front wheels, cool breeze feeling so nice on my face

Home coming

Drunken boy coming home

Drunken boy comnig home

A night crazy

Head turning dizzy

Feet tapping lazy

A night amazing

Liqourful crazy

Head spiining lazy

Drooling, roll off, sloshing, wading through the dried road

Screeching, car wheels, splashing wine all over the big city

Home coming

Drunken boy coming home(Life is amazing).

The Orange wall in my Room

2009-03-18T03:53:00.000-07:00

Top corner on the eastern edge

You walk up the stairs and reach my room

The moment you enter your heart melts in sadness

My room finishes soon.

Walls with hanging pictures of a few dead men

Their lives ended in one common ending

The end was earthly from the grail in the golden glasses

Or from God's strong cigerette.

Mistory

2009-01-31T21:20:00.000-08:00

We're only stealing free time

We're lost forever this time

There's no escaping this time

They chase scampering I'm.

So edgy it gets and so tricky it is

This has got to be the moment to run across the bridge

Lose your trail

Break the lock

Overbridge.

We're nursing problem big time

We're crunching free thin life time

We're hanging for our dear life

Find our souls lost its not fine

So scary it gets and such a thrill chill it is

Everybody holding their hearts between their teeth

Lose your trail

Deadlock

Overbridge.

With every passing day, I get frustrated by the thought that one life time is not enough for you to unravel the mystery of the twisted path and reach the centre-point of your mind. Time chases you every moment and you run hard, out of your breath and in the end find yourself in front of the door and as your reach out for it, death takes you away to another plain........

And the door remains unopened.

Dream of the Future

2009-01-18T04:08:00.000-08:00

The nation grows

Swelling in size

We call it the big bang

A nation with two hands

Holding billions of heads

Studded with eyes

Half of them are dreaming

Of liberation from the dark

The other half

Wearing masks of paper

Made out of torn 500 rupees

And I stand on a third plain

Watching this melodrama

Great saga.

To The Nights - Salud

2009-01-06T20:54:00.000-08:00

The rise of a black smoke
Like a wicked witch with glowing eyes
And casts a spell
On the men in the ground
The suffocation makes the situation grim and the room sultry

And a burning smell and bursting of small seeds from the heat of the fire
A thirsty throat wanting no water and enjoying a rare punishment
And the master tuning the guitar, his head down and eyes watery out of smoke in a closed room
A blend of red and yellow light flowing out of a Che' lamp
And the sharp sound of a slider on the base end of the 1st string charring the nerves
The poison reaches the alveoli and passes on to the blue blood
And it feels like the entire inside is surrendering to the clutches of a black widow spider

Bland Food

2008-12-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

Black sky

White Moon

It cant stop smiling

It covers its face

Hides its grace

And draws a pillow of dark clouds

And makes a serious face

I walk on a footpath looking up

I am crossing a bridge

My eyes soothed by moonlight

I'm singing a song

Dont remember which one

But the tune is the one I like

Its an urban winter night

I feel the chill

I dont know if its the Siberian wind

That reaches till this red dressed city

My hands in pockets pretty cold

And I shiver but it feels good

Dawn kisses the east

Sucks the dew from its lips

Unfolds it collection of Gold

And cuts the fog in two

And I'm trudging towards dust.

Can you leave me alone for somtime please.

Its sad.

Last Rites

2008-12-16T02:44:00.000-08:00

Pale body, slowly grounded
A lump of innocence before me
For the girl,the last rites performed
The mother retreats, she cant see

The corpse put on a rail,
The last cries deafen me
Uplifted,The clank of the metal grill
The howl of fire, a caller of death, rising

Slowly, her body lowered
A white dress changes colors
From white to red, then blinding gold

Groaning cries, a feel of nausea
Ashes cooled holy

I Am Sorry

2008-12-10T23:28:00.000-08:00

There is a dark black past that I have
I name it child criminal
I was brutal and I murdered a kid
And buried in a place unknown.

There is a dark bloody past that we have
We call them child criminals
We have stained hands from blood of kids
Whom you cant find no more.

They cried inside and begged mercy
To be free but we took no pity
We had our own fuckin’ selfish dreams
Enough to start a killing spree.

There are dead, pale-faced kids in us
With dark grey dry thin lips
I can see a tinge of smile that they have
Waiting for us to be killed

Who'll kill us is the fear we have
Coz we are a mighty big race
If you stand before a true mirror
You’ll see your slayer's face.

We are dead men looking at the sky
As we rest on the ground in silence
A grey kid slowly walks over us
As he throws on us some clay.

Mind Strain

2008-12-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

Saturday night singin' the blues tonight
Its a rich posh pub
Southern Kol
Street the way it is the place to sway
And with your girl in arms
Heavy dose

Kol Kut

Cap Tull

Brit Age

Now Not.

Marxist lanes left ahead 'f the u turn
Free sex right in the back seat of the new car

Eastern
No car
Prosper
Banned word

Painted walls within the city in war
And dead faced people
All around
Street 's the way of dirty filthy gays
And big bombs planted
Heavy blow.

Comrade

Mind fade

Big Bridge

Big breast.

Common boy walking the path one night
With his girl by side
Lover duo
Pray to God that their world be small
Devoid of heart choke
Painful fall

The Beatles Were Yesterday

2008-10-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

Oneday, I'll wake up and run away
From the steel and bricks of the world
From the grey, and smoky dusty gloomy ways
Oh I will rise and run away

One fine day, I will wake up in lush greenery
And I'd be pleased oh wont I be
And I'll be bathed in golden yellow warm sun rays
Oh I will walk in the dew soaked clay

Muddy lanes, in my childhood I would go there and play
Oh I so loved to play with friends
Funny pranks, with them I would love to play
And I remember some funny games.

And once truly, I swear I'll fall in love one day
And get on a boat "ahoy" set sail
In blue waters, with my love for the long, long day
Oh I will love her for one day

And now today, I try to be somewhat happy
But I try and still cant be merry
Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
Oh I believe in yesterday.

The last lines are taken from

the song Yesterday by the Beatles.

Money-Sex Reality and No return

2008-10-10T02:07:00.000-07:00

I slowly faded out as I stood by a river

With heads flooding in like waves downstream

Sweet sweet perfumes like berries they smell

And pockets full of paper, they were green

Huey, Dewey, Louie were my friends

Scooby Dooby Doo are lost days

Gold morn insane.

I slowly faded out into the garden of Eden

When eyes deep blue made me sleep

Sweet fruits red painted were hanging from trees

Love juices dripped from my soaked lips

Huey, Dewey, Louie came not again

Huey, Dewey, Louie and me are still friends

Scooby Doobey Doo bygone days

Gold morn insane.

Corridor Doom

2008-09-30T00:42:00.000-07:00

Beware you right wing preacher pacifist

You have entered a red zone

Watch out each step as you might not exist

Whereabouts the mines are unknown.

You wont know where the fighters are hiding

They are brutally trained guerillas

In leaves, on branches and trenches they dwell

In a different mould they are cast

They live for seconds

Life is no long dream

They know there is one bullet

To ground them to sleep.

Halt you colorless worshipper of calmness

You feet has crossed the red line

Remember one step might pull you down to a den

And you know you are under your death shrine

You live for seconds

Your life is no long dream

You must know there is one bullet

To ground you into the deep.

Ayan

2008-09-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

What really happened that you left us lonely

And walked into a world unknown

Robbed us of your fun and smile and

Left a pile of unturned stones

Ayan

Why you had to bleed?

Where did your road lead, Ayan?

Might be a few long hours till we meet again

It was all good situation

We thought there was pleasure around

Never did we know that a storm was about to rise

To blow us with all its rage disguised

Ayan

A statue on its knees, Ayan

Forever Serenity, and peace

Might be odd long hours till we meet again

Was it a strange decision

What difference does it make

The void created cannot fade no matter

How eagerly I crave

Ayan

No more reality, you are

Figure of sanctity, somewhere

Have got to say a lot when we meet again

For a friend whom I could relate to,

who was a good human being,

who decided to burn out than fade

away, like many others who left

wihout a trace, for us to ponder

upon, for the rest of our lives

Organic Cure

2008-09-22T05:09:00.000-07:00

Tired, exhausted and flat on our face
As we keep on running this dumb mad rat race
And wait to move on for bad times to part ways
And build up a rage in a heart in a cage
And wait for time's end

A pack of hope
Raw tobacco
Some dried grass and
A nimble hand
Poor Pizza man
A gold night lamp
A red guitar
And a few rockstars
Some well known songs
In an unknown flat
Two pitch voices
Some string noises
A fire lit
Cerebrum hit
A wicked smell
From a pot from hell
And upside down
World orange and round
And nonsense talk
And nonsense talk
And nonsense sense
And nonsense talk
State zero.
Its dark.
Lights off.
Show over.

Its a pretty nice life we have
Its a merry round world we're in
Its a merry nice life I have
We all fall up....

Fatal Attraction

2008-09-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

Nothing comes to my mind

A walk at mid night

Under the street lights

N there's no end to it.

Nothing seems to be right

A walk at mid night

Under the street lights

I want no end to it.

The dust keep coming

I close my eyes

A baby crying

Maybe Scared of no lights.

No sign of any man

Feels like a dead land

Burnt by the street lights

Its the end of our world

But I keep going

To that black zone

It seems to be dragging

Its a black hole.

Nothing comes to my mind

It must be mid night

There are no street lights

It seems never ending.

The Black Cat watched from the Roof

2008-09-02T23:03:00.000-07:00

It was the dark lobby in front of my house. It was 15 minutes past ten when I reached home and pushed the gate open and stepped on the lobby,shrouded in a pitch black sheet. The sky looked thick with the fat black clouds which gulped the moon time and again as they passed to the east.The weather was heavy and saturated with moisture which had collected on my face.I carefully watched my steps as I neared the main gate and reached out to press the bell. It broke the silence that had cast its enchanting effect on the entire area. My mom answered and I could hear the sound of the bunch of keys that she must have picked up, and she asked me if she should throw them from the kitchen window. I said I will catch it. Her hands came out and then things froze and within a second my imaginations took over. Those keys were the ones that would be thrown to me to open the gate of success that is in front of me. I must catch it. If I would fail, the keys would drop to the ground and go down the drain of failure. I had to catch it for sure and missing it was not an option. there were a thousand men peeping from windows all around, watching me and praying so that I fail and then they would boo me and show me the ground. I would be chained and put up in a cross and they would throw spears at me, hitting my eye and my genitals. They were experts in hitting targets. then they would set me to fire and feed my roasted flesh to vultures.

The keys were released. I could hear the sound of the metals as they fell. This is my moment. Of breaking a thousand hearts. Of survival against the barbarians. I held by breath. Cupped my hands and zeroed in my vision. The keys dropped. My palms closed. An ending sound. There was cold metal in my palms. I had won. All the windows closed. And the clouds passed and the moon shined on me. A star winked at me. It was Granpa. He was happy as he had won along with me.
I climbed up the steps to go to my room and stood before the mirror. I smiled at the mirror. It smiled back. We both were happy.

The Pink Song

2008-09-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

In the evening take a walk

In the smokey roads on the street of Park,

The moon is shining, it lits up you

The roads empty n drenched in dew

And your girl is by your side, n you walk down

The cool breeze kisses her cheeks her arms

Her eyes deep n her soft palms warm

She clings to you n you smell her hair

Her lips are red, a glowing pair

N you see your face, in those eyes

Its hard to leave her

When she waves goodbye

Wish forever that she was by your side

You wake up in the morning blues

Sit in the couch till afternoon

N see her lipstick in your wrist

She s the only thing that you ever missed

N the sun sets down, moments after

N evening comes its time to go

Shes waiting for you at Mayo Road

The night would be forever long

In mushy dreams and all love songs

And you want no morning, there after.

(This poem/song is inspired by the tunes of the Lemon Tree by Fools Garden)

May Souls Rest In Peace

2008-08-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

Jim I search for your trails

My attempts to go back to that yellow room fails

Often haunted by your voice

I wake up in the dark four walls, as if I heard that old noise

Hey waiter.....my mood s a lil grim

A large whiskey with a lil Jim

A Hi-pitch sound catches me, my heart seems to bleed

My chest is dry, a howlish cry, Are you there,Syd

The number seven, Is it from heaven, It comes after six

To end the dark, I see a spark and eternity

I'm laid

Bullied

Dreaming

Cobain

You see I'm slain

Outside rain

Barren

Mind-strain

Buried

You see I'm slain

See dark

An ark

Riding

A Skylark

Are you in pain

It might be

Heavy

I ll go down

The drain

Boy, aint no pain in your Heaven?

A Gleam, Of Green, And Grass

2008-08-18T23:22:00.000-07:00

Two cities

One in the west one extreme east

A few good men lonely in a big city

Until they met each other.

Then came a gushing stream,

Of youth, euphoria and ecstasy

Life showed its colours,

But they had their own

They painted their life

In graffiti full of shades

Blue to red

Yellow to Fluoroscent

Orange was an invention

Shiv Sena to halogen

As the smoke choked their nerves

To arouse their senses

They wanted to build a Metro tunnel

From Bandra to Park Sreet to the hotels

From Lucky to Peiping

Bacardi glasses from Totos to Olypub

Swaying to the tunes at Hawaiian Shack

Banging the heads off at Some place Else

On the night of Christmas and the jingling of bells

The dream lingers still

The thoughts, fresh as morning dew

The story continues, of Kau, Pachu, Piku

Bhuto, Shonku and Diu.

And a lot of men, good and few.

Spit Out Bad Blood

2008-08-18T03:01:00.000-07:00

Hate him

Hate the world

Wont give you anything

Want no love

Tell me n 'em nothing to do

Let him see destruction

In your pale eyes

Hate them

Hate the men

Who fuck you only for fun

Then dump you

N u lick their sperm

Filthy body they got

Raw bruise dipped in cum

Hate it

No fuckin anymore

Live thy life

A freedom cry

Kill him

Let the lust

Come out of his pale eyes

Spare is a nightmare

Spare is a bad day dream

Hate him.

Lost

2008-08-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

Back in a city which used to be my own

Yet you see the people and they seem unknown

You stand before the mirror and rewind the times

And realise its not the same man who is standing before your eyes

Then you move your eyes and look at the old clock

And you realise you always knew this new kid on the block

Hahha Hahha Hahha.....

Times have changed freaky boy ehh!!!!

Leaving Mumbai-The Beginning

2008-08-05T05:10:00.000-07:00

I was in Vashi yesterday, the place from where my "Mumbai Experience" started. I was meeting the juniors there, who would take our place there and go on to be the next organizers of the Bengali Cultural Programmes that we had organized for the last two years. I have stayed in Mumbai for three years now. During this time I led a dual life, the Vashi Life and the Andheri life. They called it the 1201 life. If somebody had a macro-view of me, the person would see two different people. It would be a diversion if I started analyzing that here because I want to re-live the dream time here. But its too much of an experience baggage for me to handle. What do I talk about? The best way is to go chronologically.

The journey started with Rajesh, Alok, Dinesh and Raju via a Jet Airlines flight on 26th August, 2005 (Now I realise that whenever you migrate to different locations after you have stayed in a place since birth, you are filled with a long phase of numbness. You live in a trance state and the thought that you are leaving the people whom you have spent your entire life with is too painful to sink in easily).

After a brief stay in the serene beauty of nature at BARC, I had to move to Vashi where my company had provided me a teeny-weeny two room flat where I would have to stay with three other guys whom I would meet for the 1st time. This was the rule , however, for me the rule was partially true as Raju, whom I knew for the last 7 days also got into the same flat.The other two guys would go on to become one of the closest and caring friends that I would have during the 1st three months when we were in training. Vikas and Sandeep. Vikas was a scholar from Ghaziabad and Sandeep was a Mallu hunk.

In training, Sandeep and my story would go on to become the Jay and Veeru story of Sholay fame. Sandeep had a bike and I was the partner in crime at the backseat (alas!!! Sandeep dint have a cute chick which he sometimes rued). We were funny drunkyards and quite (in)famous because of that in office. That was why certain sections despised us.
I flunked in the exams and was almost on the verge of being thrown out. However, in the end I found out "means" of scraping through and at the end of training still found myself in the company. I was to be posted in Pune but at the last moment things changed and I got a posting in Mumbai. Sandeep was going to Chennai which made me very sad but I had more reasons to be happy.

Another incident happened days before Sandeep when I went the closest to death. I was to meet up Diya at Banstand and Sandeep was to have a spped ride in the Reclamation area which had become the Biker's Paradise after the movie Dhoom. So we went had as usual had a good time and at about 9:30PM, we were coming back. Diya took a rickshaw and we started off in our bike. We hit the Bandra Sion Highway and next what happened lets see from Diya's camera angle.

Diya says: I was in the rickshaw and a little sleepy as the rick hit the Bandra Sion highway. Suddenly my eyes opened and I saw a bike twisting and turning before me. The driver clearly had lost balance and I was a glimpse of Sandeep's green jacket fluttering and I closed my eyes.

Back to Kaustav's angle: Mid-way throuogh our fall. Sandeep flew off the bike. I tried taking a look behind to see if trucks are coming from behind. Normally the road is full of vehicles plying at over 100 kmph. I was holing the back rod and as the bike slid, it was pulling me along.

I let go off the hadle at the last moment and I took about 5 rolls to hit the pavement and heard a rickshaw screech near to my head. Next, Diya jumped out of that rick, totally perplexed and probably more scared than us. Sandeep was alright. he came running to me and asked if I was okay and checked the bike to see that the back wheel had punctured. I had a bad bruise on my ankle that would trouble me for the next two months. However, I knew that some one above was protecting me for I was a dead man.

After Prache came to Mumbai on the 13th of December, me, Prache and Dia became the unseperable trio who would have the best times in our lives. The bandstand adda, the TISS visits and then the depressing times with the Mumbai blast, the distressing Kandivli flat, the dirty times in the Mumbai rains and then to cap it all, stunt-man Saikat Dutta's life-threatning accident had brought unwanted but loaded excitement to our not-so-happening lives. In the mean time though, we had some really good times when we went to Lonavla and a chunk of my college buddies from Pune came for the Lonavla trip.
Oh again I forgot to mention my office life where I found the greatest of friends in Akshay and Shirish, both from my training batch and our friendship was well recognized in the Winchester Building that the trio were the biggest foodies around. With the meagre salary that I was handed with every month at that time, we always spent lavishly at expensive restaurants. People envied us for this and some of the folks who had struggled in their earlier lives to rise up levels cursed us that we were not doing judgement to our finances.We answered to them in a well-known simple sentence: We live to eat.

I also found a very close buddy in office who would be a dump for all the frustrations that I had in office. The epic-size conversations that we had in office was so refreshing. At the same time lots of "issues" were going around with friends common to us and me and Devshri were almost in the epicentre of all those.
This is how 2006 was going on when we had little frustrations growing over the incessant mumbai rains, quick-disappearing of our earnings and filthy roomies.
Then came an eventful week in July which changed our lives quite a bit and took our emotional strength to a different level.
It started on a happy note though. The Mumbai gang, the Pune group and Chang and Trapita, our college friend-couple-we all decided a Goa trip. Tickets were bought, hotels were being scouted, and all plans were at a final stage. The trip would be during the 15th August Independence Day weekend.
Onthe 11th July week, it was i think a Monday, when I was returning from office at almost 9:30 in the night, frustrated after a hectic day in office. I was at our building lobby when I saw Prachetash standing, extremely serious and talking on the fone. He paused his conversation to tell me that Dia was missing. I was so tired that the words never registered.
The detail was that Dia was not in office, her fone was switched off and nobody in the city knew where she was. We were tensed but the maximum tension grabbed the man who I thought was the sysmbol of calmness. Saikat was worried and rightly so but the news that he had started for Mumbai told us that there was enough reason to get tensed about the thing. After an hour of anxiety, we came to know that Dia wanted to take some time off from the world just to figure out things in life. (At that time we didnot know that she ould need a Krishh dose for that, else we would have shown not-so-friendly emotions to her). So the fact was that she was alright but wont come back to her Andheri flat while Saikat was reaching Mumbai and would stay at her flat. Abby, Dia's roomie asked me to go to their place at 11 in the night because she had never seen Saikat and I was the common thing.
Anyway, this incident kicked off the dramatic week. Next day, I was working in office and it was about 5:30 in the evening when suddenly one of the project leads went around the floor announcing that there was a series of bomb blasts in the western suburb railways. It started with a count of four and finally the figures were 7 blasts, about 200 dead and hundreds injured.
I tried calling home but the network was jammed. I went out of office and could not get any rickshaw. Finally I could reach Prache and he told me to go to his office and we would go home together. News again: Dia usually takes the train at the same time when the blasts occurred. We were sure that she would be okay however, we could not reach her. After some anxious waiting, we heard that she is okay and she could not get to the train because of some last moment meeting.
The entire western express highway was packed with cars because the explosions had broken down the communication lifeline of Mumbai which is daily availed by a few millions.
However, this blast showed the true spirit of Mumbai and this was the first time I fell in love with the city.
People had come out of their houses with bread and water glasses and were serving the passesngers who were stranded in packed buses for long hours. There were no volunteers, no association had undertaken this. This was Mumbai's answer to the terrorists and to all who curse the city that it has no emotions: "Mumbai is a dreamland, larger than life".

The House of the King

2008-06-26T03:48:00.000-07:00

There is a House In Andheri West

They call it Twelve-O-One

Its mad when you dare to go in there

And you have a whole lotta fun

The king dopes out and makes chicken

Minister Panchu gets stoned

And I, General K, am drowned in a laugh

As if tickled by a fluff

Its future now and nobody lives

A soul roams all alone

The hand and the skull are still there

Remains of days by-gone

End of the Glory Chapter

2008-06-17T01:04:00.000-07:00

I am no great poet who can weave his feelings into a stitchwork full of life with a pen and the modern form of papyrus. All I can manage to express at this point is that I am dying this day when I leave this world in Mumbai.

I will be born again tomorrow when I wake up in Calcutta. But that would be a re-incarnation.Throughout my entire next life, I will have hazy dreams about several images of this life. They wont haunt me but it would be an eerie, awkward feeling that I would have inside me when I will think of the Mumbai life that I had.I realize this day that I was in trance for the last three years. In a state of coma, numb about the bigger world around me.

Tomorrow I will be born again but somewhere in me, a mark will remain of the dream life I enjoyed. It really feels awkward now.

Living Alone

2008-05-13T00:28:00.000-07:00

Loneliness fills my heart as time passes
by
My saddened heart quietly weeps
Life is tough and shows its folds and tears
fill my eyes
The pain of loss in my heart creeps

Where is my love
I just cant find it
I ended it all
Still I feel for it

I dream of a green
field and friends all around
And I wake up while the world
sleeps
If dream was true and the sky was blue and I
played around
But life has one shade and that is
blue

Only one heart that I have
I cant love so much
A single heart that I have
Cant bear the pain so much
-This is an inspiration from George Harrison's "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"